Contentment

The last year has been very emotional for me. I have had serious highs (trips to Boston, Canada, and Pennsylvania, to name a few) and some serious lows (sleeping, eating, working, and living on the sofa for days at a time). I have cried more tears than you can imagine. I have made myself sick from crying and worrying. I have ached, inside and out, in a way I never thought possible. After the first few months of my "situation", as I tend to call it, I thought I was fine. I travelled, spent time with friends, and only got REALLY upset every once in a while. Around January, I think things began to sink in. I didn't feel like I could get up and go. I didn't feel like I could make it through the day. Everything hurt - my heart, my whole body. I felt like the life drained right out of me and there was nothing left. I cried all of the time, I felt miserable, and I didn't feel like doing anything...

Then today I noticed that I have been feeling different lately. For a few weeks now, I feel like things have slowly been improving. I'm taking care of my house and myself (I finally got back to the gym and no more sleepovers on the sofa). I'm having more good days than bad. Maybe it's the sunshine and being able to get out, but I am beginning to feel happy again. I'm not saying I don't have my moments - I almost broke down crying while cleaning the floor today and I'm not exactly sure why - then after a minute, I was fine. I am feeling like myself again. And this is definitely a good thing.

By the way, I would have never gotten through the last year without a fabulous family and great friends. People I could call to come over when I was really upset, people who offered to help me financially, people who took care of me. Thank you. I love you all.

Productive Day!

I'm feeling good today. When I feel good, I get a billion things done. After an 8-hour work day and a trip to the gym, I was still energized enough to clean the house. I vacuumed, cleaned the hardwood floors, scrubbed the bathroom, mopped the kitchen, cleaned out the fridge (taking out each shelf and scrubbing!), and cleaned the kitchen sink. I actually think the scrubbing was a better workout than the gym! Now for a shower, dinner, dessert, and curling up on the sofa with a book!

Happy Tuesday! :)

March Highlights

Here are some highlights from March:

* Off for a SNOW DAY on the 2nd!

* The fabulous Barton-Festa wedding weekend in PA

* Reading "The Sunflower" by Richard Paul Evans - one of my new favorite books!

* Australia coming out on DVD - I'm totally obsessed with Hugh Jackman

* Pizza and cheesecake for Leslie's birthday before Bible class

* "I Love Lucy" and "Bewitched" - there's nothing like those classic tv shows!

* Beating Mama at Scrabble on the 22nd (we play at least twice a week and I only win about twice a year!)

* Starting my new 2nd job at the library

Some things I don't love so much...

So, in my "I Love Lucy" post, I told you about some of the things that I LOVE. Here are some things that I don't:

* People who talk on their phones or bring crying babies to the movie theater. It is so annoying! You pay almost $10 to see a movie, then can't hear half of it!

* A disappointing ending to a book. I hate reading a whole book, then wishing that I hadn't!

* Getting stuck in traffic on my way to work. If I'm on my way home, it doesn't bother me so much.

* Buying something, then seeing it on sale a month later (like a MAJOR sale). This happened at Home Depot the other day - I was looking around the clearance section and found a ceiling fan that I had bought at full price not too long ago (two of them, actually). Ugh!

* Walking into a room to get something then forgetting what I went in there to get. I'm not old enough for THAT yet!

* Paying for things like toilet paper, soap, and deodorant. I mean, shouldn't those necessities be FREE??

* This crazy back and forth weather. I'm just ready for some Springtime!

* The fact that all of the good food (Mexican, chocolate, ice cream) makes you fat. That is just so wrong...

* When you think you know a person...then find out you really don't.

What If?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like today if we'd just done or not done one little thing? For example, JMU was my first choice for a college. The first time I went, I fell in love with the campus, the atmosphere, the band - everything! I got myself a JMU sweathshirt and a purple L.L. Bean backpack for Christmas. I was ready to go! Thennn I got back with my high school boyfriend and decided to go to Longwood to be closer to him (fyi - NEVER make an important decision based on a guy, especially in high school!). I sent in everything for Longwood, was all stoked to go, then that guy broke up with me. Bummer. Not only did he break my heart, but I had changed my life's course because of him. Long story short, I went to Longwood and LOVED it! I loved everything about Longwood and still do. In fact, I'm headed back there in April to meet up with some of my girlfriends. I had some of my best times and met some of my best friends on that campus. I also got to know my future husband and got engaged at Longwood.

On that note... what if I had never gotten back with my high school boyfriend? What if I had decided to go to JMU anyway? What if...what if...what if?

No matter how many times I ask myself this question, nothing will change the fact that I did not go to JMU because of someone else. Nothing will change the fact that I went to Longwood. Nothing will change the fact that I fell in love with my husband and got engaged a few years later.

But sometimes I still wonder.....what if?